By Support Staff on June 2, 2010
What Attracts a Man to a Woman
By Phoenix A. Black
Over the last week I have met a lot of women yet I was very unmotivated to further pursue most of them. I realized that the biggest reason for this was the absence of attraction from my side. I did not feel that raw feeling a man feels when he is attracted to a woman. That raw feeling will usually motivate a lot of men to walk through fire in order to get that woman.
So I asked myself, “What am I attracted to most in a woman?” and “What attracts a man to a woman?” For me it was the following:
1. Physical Appearance
2. Uniqueness
3. Confidence
4. Sense of Humor
5. Positivity
6. Fun Loving energy and vibe 
7. Similarity in values and believes
8. Ambition
9. Independence
Sounds a lot like a woman’s list doesn’t it. Here is the thing though, you can not generalize and pin point all the things that will attract a man to a woman due to the vast differences of human individuality. However, there are overlapping attraction mechanisms that trigger men to feel attracted to women. These attraction mechanisms are as follows:
1. Physical Appearance. We all have different preferences for physical appearances and we are either attracted to a particular appearance or not. There are two factors that skew this fact. Firstly, the social standards of what is attractive physically plays a huge role in determining what is deemed physically attractive to men. Secondly, alcohol completely clouds a man’s judgment and he will deem attractive that which in a sober state he would not. Overall, physical appearance is the most important variable in determining whether or not a man will be attracted to a woman.
2. Uniqueness. We as human beings are evolutionary wired to feel attracted to someone who is different. This difference can be in form of physical appearance, personality traits, fashion sense and others. This attraction mechanism works very effectively for men. If a man deems a woman to be different (in a good way) from other women, he will feel attracted to her.
3. Personality Traits. These vary between men but for most part men are attracted to women who are funny, interesting, intelligent, positive, supportive, and have a high sex drive .
Posted in self confidence, Sex Addict | Tagged self confidence, Self Esteem, What Attracts a man to a woman
By Support Staff on May 28, 2010
Verbal Abuse is Still Abuse
By Jennifer Bryan
If you have never been involved in an abusive relationship it is difficult to understand why someone would continue to place themselves in harms way.
The final straw for me came one night as I lay in bed next to my now ex husband. For some reason he got angry, so angry to the point he turned to me and said “I should just blow your (expletive) brains out and leave our kids orphans.”
After that I couldn’t sleep for months, even when a friend of mine helped me and the kids get out.
He was diagnosed as Bi-Polar the year before. That same threat happened a year before too, but I looked the other way since I knew he was sick. The second time though, I didn’t see any excuses. He had been on medication for over a year.
I was verbally abused by my now ex husband for nearly 10 years. A few years later I began counseling and it was then that I found out what he had been doing to me IS abuse. Continue reading “Verbal Abuse is Still Abuse”
Posted in Relationship Counseling, Verbal Abuse | Tagged Relationship Counseling, Verbal Abuse
By Support Staff on May 26, 2010
Eliminating Fear Of Rejection By The Opposite Sex A Simple Exercise
By Scot McKayFea
There’s a lot of talk about “approach anxiety” when is comes to approaching and meeting someone attractive. My personal belief is that we all too often have actually “rejected” OURSELVES before the potential meeting ever actually happens. This is tragic, because there is a simple yet effective way to make real progress from this kind of self-limitation.
As the title has already telegraphed, what we’re talking about here is training yourself how to see yourself as others see you…and then how to see others as they see themselves.
So what does that mean? Continue reading “Eliminating Fear Of Rejection By The Opposite Sex A Simple Exercise”
Posted in Fear of Rejection | Tagged Approach Anxiety, r of Rejection
By Support Staff on May 24, 2010
Dating Tips For Women – Dos & Don’ts on Your First Date
By Francis Murphy
Got a date this Saturday night for the first time? Are you nervous and worried about making the silliest mistakes that might spoil everything? Fear not! Here are some useful tips on what to do and what you should not do on your first date. These tips can surely help you make that night, a meaningful and an embarrassment-free night.
Do’s
1) Bring a mace/pepper-spray
Better be safe than sorry, right? Do carry a mace or pepper-spray in your purse. Make sure it is easily accessible. You never know when you are going to need it.
2) Take your credit card along
Traditionally, the man will pay for the bills when you go for a date. But, ‘accidents’ and ‘misfortunes’ can happen. It is advisable that you prepare yourself to pay, in case of emergency.
Don’ts Continue reading “Dating Tips For Women – Dos & Don’ts on Your First Date”
Posted in Dating Tips, Dating tips for Women, Online Dating Tips | Tagged Dating Tips, Dating tips for Women, Online Dating Tips
By Support Staff on May 24, 2010
Dating a Man Who’s a Sex Addict Versus a Man Who Loves Sex
By Sash Farah
I have a story to share about an unidentified man who claimed that he loved sex and he ‘could not live without it’. His former partner claimed that if he loved sex enough it would show through his actions, attitude and demeanor during the actual act. After studying the man’s history it was apparent he battled two addictions which were alcohol and cocaine.
While listening to the man’s stories, especially about his sexual history with women, it became apparent that he was using sex similarly like alcohol to numb and void an intangible pain that resides within him. Some of his sexual partners recognized his romantic liaisons to be lacking substance, which meant a portion of the women would not even consider him for a one night stand ‘if’ they had known better.
It was disclosed over a period of time that this man was only able to hold down one relationship over his lifetime, which is a bit disconcerting since this man is middle aged and that particular relationship was only short lived. It is not sex that determines the overall long life of a relationship though it does play a monumental role for building and sustaining a relationship. Continue reading “Dating a Man Who’s a Sex Addict Versus a Man Who Loves Sex”
Posted in Self Esteem, Sex Addict, Sex Addiction | Tagged Sex Addict, Sex Addiction, Sex Addiction Recovery
By Support Staff on May 24, 2010
No Intimate Relationships During the First Year of Sobriety!
By Daniel Linder
Recovering addicts hear this all the time in 12-step programs. However, this sound bit of wisdom is rarely heeded. Many have a hard time accepting that a hiatus from intimate relationships is necessary. In their minds, dating and new relationships seem benign. “As long as I’m not using and we’re not using and are in a program, I’m safe.” Not so fast. Getting into an intimate relationship prematurely is, as my mother would say, “Ill-conceived, ill-advised and ill-consummated.”
Odds are more than fifty percent of marriages will end in divorce for the general population. Want to venture a guess as to the odds for those in early recovery who test this cardinal rule? Continue reading “No Relationships During the First Year of Sobriety!”
Posted in dating in recovery, first year recovery dating, recovery dating, recovery first year | Tagged Addiction Recovery, Clean and Sober Relationships, Dependency Recovery, Emotional Care, Emotional Health, Intimacy and Recovery, Relationship abstinence, Relationship Recovery, Sex, Sex and Recovery, Sobriety and Relationship abstinence
By Support Staff on May 24, 2010
Codependency Symptoms and Dating
By Jeff McQueen
People who are codependents usually go full stop or full speed ahead. They never have any moderator and to a large degree codependency symptoms are about extremes.
It is either low self-esteem or high self-esteem for people who are involve in a dysfunctional relationship such as codependency. Low self-esteem happens when you believe that you are not as worthy as the other people and that your thoughts and feelings do not count. High self-esteem on the other hand manifests itself to certain individuals who feel that they are superior, and those who are arrogant. In either case, self-esteem is usually developed within the family, in other words this happens during the growing up period, and through modeling family behavior.
Another symptom is when an individual is not capable of setting realistic, functioning boundaries. During childhood our parents usually taught us regarding boundaries, it is always set by them to better guide us. If we have grown up with a family of poor boundaries, then we will not be able to set proper boundaries for ourselves. There are number of purposes served by establishing boundaries, they can offer us protection from other people, from ourselves, and they can help us find out who we really are in this world. People with too rigid boundaries will find themselves to be alone and isolated behind the wall. While people with too little or no boundaries are the people who usually gets taken advantage of or victimized.
It is difficult for codependents to know who they really are. They do not have the ability to see themselves in reality both mentally and physically. Their interpretations of thoughts are often altered as well as their ability to share them. It is difficult for them to own, identify, and regulate their emotions. Another side of this is that they are living in a fantasy or coming up with an alter ego. Continue reading “Examples Of Codependency Symptoms”
Posted in codependence and dating | Tagged codependency and relationships, Codependency Symptoms, Codependent relationships, Sobriety and codependency
By Support Staff on November 5, 2009
Online Dating: Ask the Right Questions First
OK. So you’ve joined an online dating service and written an awesome profile. You’ve uploaded a great picture and now you’ve gotten a few emails, and you’re getting ready to respond. But what now? How do you start weeding through those responses who have real potential and those who would be a waste of time?
You need to find out about who this strange person really is and not what they want you to believe they are. It would be great if people wore labels like “Gold Digger”, “Daddy’s girl” or “Scam Artist” etc., but they don’t. So it’s up to you to find out these things and you can’t just ask direct questions. You need to know what mistakes you can avoid making and how to impress this person if you decide you want to do that.
After you get past the initial small talk, ask them “What are the biggest mistakes guys/girls make when dating online?” Listen carefully to the answers. Their going to tell you a lot about themselves and their views in general, probably more than you asked for, but you will find out a lot.
Next you should ask them, “What do you really think about online dating?” Now they will usually tell you if they’ve had any bad experiences with dating online and help you to avoid making the same mistakes as previous dates.
Now for the all-important question, ”What caused the break up in your last relationship?” If he/she puts all the blame on the other person, you should probably move on to the next prospect. If he/she takes all the blame him or herself, you should probably do the same. If he/she says the breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t right for either of them, you’ve heard the right answer. Move forward but always with caution.
People who Place All the Blame, may not be willing or capable of looking at themselves or their part in the situation. So you would be dating someone who “Has no faults” or is clueless about themselves or having an open and honest mind. People who Take All the Blame can have low self esteem issues and probably don’t see the situation for the way it really was, and probably have a distorted sense of self.
Asking the right questions will give you insight, possibly open your own eyes and make you more confident when you meet the person for the first time.
Posted in Asking Questions, Online Dating Tips, Self Esteem | Tagged Asking Questions, Online Dating Tips, Self Esteem
By Support Staff on October 24, 2009
The Best Internet Dating Sites – How do I find them?
With the explosion of online dating sites has come a virtual “all you can eat buffet” of choices. There are free dating sites, which I don’t recommend but if money is an issue, they are better than nothing. There are the large “Corporation” paid dating sites with many features such as chat, IM and even matchmaking services for profiles.
There are the “more affordable” paid sites with just a few features, and then there are the “special interest” sites. Sites for almost any kind of person you can think of: outdoor and athletic, couch potatoes, religious dating, non-religious dating, gays and lesbians dating. You name it, it’s probably out there. So what’s a person to do with all these choices?
How to choose the site or sites that best fits my needs?
Here are some things to consider when looking for the Best Internet Dating Sites:
(1) Cost. How much do you want to spend? or how much can you spend each month for your membership or memberships?
(2) Features. What features are most important to you?
Continue reading “The Best Internet Dating Sites – How do I find them?”
Posted in The Best Internet Dating Sites | Tagged How To Online Flirt, Online Flirting Tips, The Best Internet Dating Sites
By Support Staff on October 14, 2009
How To Online Flirt – Online Flirting, a New Artform
Many of the same things work for online flirting that work for “Offline” flirting and all relationships begin with successful flirting. Flirting is an art that requires oozing confidence without being OTT(Over The Top). If you go too far, they will label you as “slimy”. If you don’t go far enough, they will label you “wimpy”.
So how do you achieve that point half way between slimy and wimpy and do it online without using eye contact or body language? All you have is a computer, an internet connection and a membership in an online dating site, right? Listen up! Learning How To Online Flirt is Simple! When you start practicing your online flirting and see the response you get, you will be amazed at how simple it really is!
1. Have fun! Be light-hearted, funny and entertaining. Make them eager to talk to you again. Flirting is playful.
2. You have to Ooze with confidence. Successful flirts have a positive outlook on life. You need to transmit the “feel good” factor. An optimistic attitude attracts partners like honey attracts Bees. Feeling good is addictive!(oops, )
Continue reading “How To Online Flirt – Online Flirting, a New Artform”
Posted in How To Online Flirt, Online Flirting, Online Flirting Tips | Tagged How To Online Flirt, Online Flirting, Online Flirting Tips
