What Attracts a Man to a Woman

By Phoenix A. Black

Over the last week I have met a lot of women yet I was very unmotivated to further pursue most of them. I realized that the biggest reason for this was the absence of attraction from my side. I did not feel that raw feeling a man feels when he is attracted to a woman. That raw feeling will usually motivate a lot of men to walk through fire in order to get that woman.

So I asked myself, “What am I attracted to most in a woman?” and “What attracts a man to a woman?” For me it was the following:

1. Physical Appearance

2. Uniqueness

3. Confidence

4. Sense of Humor

5. Positivity

6. Fun Loving energy and vibe

7. Similarity in values and believes

8. Ambition

9. Independence

Sounds a lot like a woman’s list doesn’t it. Here is the thing though, you can not generalize and pin point all the things that will attract a man to a woman due to the vast differences of human individuality. However, there are overlapping attraction mechanisms that trigger men to feel attracted to women. These attraction mechanisms are as follows:

1. Physical Appearance. We all have different preferences for physical appearances and we are either attracted to a particular appearance or not. There are two factors that skew this fact. Firstly, the social standards of what is attractive physically plays a huge role in determining what is deemed physically attractive to men. Secondly, alcohol completely clouds a man’s judgment and he will deem attractive that which in a sober state he would not. Overall, physical appearance is the most important variable in determining whether or not a man will be attracted to a woman.

2. Uniqueness. We as human beings are evolutionary wired to feel attracted to someone who is different. This difference can be in form of physical appearance, personality traits, fashion sense and others. This attraction mechanism works very effectively for men. If a man deems a woman to be different (in a good way) from other women, he will feel attracted to her.

3. Personality Traits. These vary between men but for most part men are attracted to women who are funny, interesting, intelligent, positive, supportive, and have a high sex drive .

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Verbal Abuse is Still Abuse

By Jennifer Bryan

If you have never been involved in an abusive relationship it is difficult to understand why someone would continue to place themselves in harms way.

The final straw for me came one night as I lay in bed next to my now ex husband. For some reason he got angry, so angry to the point he turned to me and said “I should just blow your (expletive) brains out and leave our kids orphans.”

After that I couldn’t sleep for months, even when a friend of mine helped me and the kids get out.

He was diagnosed as Bi-Polar the year before. That same threat happened a year before too, but I looked the other way since I knew he was sick. The second time though, I didn’t see any excuses. He had been on medication for over a year.

I was verbally abused by my now ex husband for nearly 10 years. A few years later I began counseling and it was then that I found out what he had been doing to me IS abuse.

I completed my counseling a year ago as did my two oldest children. Thanks to the support of friends, family and my best friend who was also my life coach, I am a happier, confident person.

My ex husband verbally abused me for years calling me every name in the book whenever I did something or things didn’t go his way.

For the longest time though, I didn’t consider it abuse. When I began counseling years later I was told it was abuse.

I did not realize how bad my self esteem was until I entered counseling. Then my children were sent to therapy and they too had low self esteem issues. For the longest time I believed I was useless. My son was probably the most affected by everything though. He was just a baby when all of this came to a head. He has had behavior problems that have lead me to consulting DHS and children’s services. Most of it though has come from a lack of interaction with his dad. Last year a good friend of mine stepped in to be a male mentor to him. While he still has behavior issues, my sons overall behavior has greatly improved.

I stayed in the marriage for my children, at least for awhile. I did seek the advice of a divorce attorney on three separate occassions over the course of three years. Each time I was told that because my husband was the breadwinner, he would get the house and vehicle. The first two consultations I only had a part time seasonal job though most of the time I was a stay at home mom. Eventually I was able to get my own transportation and my husband was very unhappy about it.

Out of the 10 years we were together (dating and married), I know of only about two weeks total he was sober. Some days were worse than others with his drinking. He loved Budweiser so much. I over. Our daughter seen him fall over many times. He didn’t care though that his daughter would see him passed out, drooling in the computer chair or him urinating on himself because he was so drunk to get up out of the chair.

When he was sober that was when he was the most verbally abusive. I learned to just keep my mouth shut and agree with everything. Anytime I said the wrong thing all hell would break loose. I would get screamed and cursed at everytime. There were even the times he got into my face or shook his hand as if he was going to hit me.

The most common name I was called is what you would call a female dog. If it was very bad he added stupid (expletive) to it.

There was some physical abuse that happened occasionally. Signs were there that I just didn’t see until years later during counseling sessions.

He got angry with me twice in one week and attempted to shove me down stairs (13 steps). The first time I didn’t see it coming and barely caught on to the railing. Second time I was able to catch the railing before he could get a good push. During this time he also locked me out of the apartment as I was calling a relative for help. When he realized who I was talking to he let me back in.

A few years later he got angry with me again while were living in our house. We had been sitting downstairs talking when I said the wrong thing. He chased me upstairs pushing me into the wall. There was a struggle then he threw a paint can full of Kilz at me that hit the wall. The struggle continued into the living room where he punched me in the face. I was able to punch back in self defense knocking a tooth out.

At that time though, I felt that because I had fought back (which I thought was wrong to do) that I had no merit and I was just as guilty.

That’s not true though. I didn’t deserve to be attacked and I had every right to defend myself.

It was after our son was born that my now ex husband began showing signs something was mentally wrong. He had just returned to work after staying at home. One night he came in very late and early from his 12 hour shift. He was balling his eyes out and didn’t know why. The following day I took him to our family doctor who gave him anti depressants. He kept him out of work for a couple of weeks until the medicines kicked in.

I cannot even count how many times medications were switched. No matter what he still was abusive to me. It didn’t matter how much I took care of him, stood by his side, or defended him. He still abused me.

Surprisingly when it came to family, some overlooked it while others just didn’t get involved at all. That was part of the reason why I didn’t see it as abuse.

As I was in counseling, I did attempt to work on my marriage. My husband did go with me several times and then quit. After meeting him, my counselor who happens to focus on restoring marriages, told me I had to get out of mine. She could tell he was abusive and when she told me it was OK to leave I knew this time I could say I tried everything.

I stood my ground and threw him out. Interesting enough, he was accepting that it was over. He moved in with his mom, got a job and is working on becoming sober. He continues to fervently take his medications too. He is beginning to spend more time with our children, quality time. Recently he started going back to church with the help of the kids.

Every once in a while I still catch the wrath, but this time I take up for myself. I have learned to not allow him to have control over me, which he hates. I am no longer afraid of him.

While my story is very minor, it still was abuse. What I learned is that most family do not want to get involved in situations like this. Had it been more physically abusive, I am sure they would have stepped in.

If you feel you are being abused, it is best to consult with someone neutral such as a counselor or clergy. Look for a counselor who does non profit work. My counselor received a grant for non profit work. Churches may be able to help you locate one. Some pastors also do counseling themselves.

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Eliminating Fear Of Rejection By The Opposite Sex A Simple Exercise

By Scot McKayFea

There’s a lot of talk about “approach anxiety” when is comes to approaching and meeting someone attractive. My personal belief is that we all too often have actually “rejected” OURSELVES before the potential meeting ever actually happens. This is tragic, because there is a simple yet effective way to make real progress from this kind of self-limitation.

As the title has already telegraphed, what we’re talking about here is training yourself how to see yourself as others see you…and then how to see others as they see themselves.

So what does that mean?

You as a human being are in a remarkable position. Have you ever considered how wild it truly is that out of six billion plus human beings just like you on this planet, you will only ever see light through the eyes of ONE of them? You are confined to your own physical being, at least as far as the laws of physics apply in this life. The metaphysics of all this are, of course, a subject better suited to some other article that is not about dating and relationships. Fair enough.

But since we ARE focused like a laser on your total, utter and massive success in the dating world-up to and including complete control over your dating life-you’d best believe that there is tremendous value in exploring this concept more deeply from a certain perspective.

So many of us artificially limit ourselves from believing that we can possibly deserve the kind of partner we want. Going way beyond “approach anxiety”…going way beyond “getting beat by a girl” and indeed way beyond anything you’ve ever heard from me until now, it can be safely assumed that much of the problem is directly attributable to how you see yourself vs. how you see others.

Here’s what I mean.

Since you know every intimate detail of your own thoughts, fears and weaknesses-as well as your strengths, of course-you know all of your own darkest secrets. Every imperfection, every prurient thought, every doubt and indeed-every single blasted thing that would cause you humiliating embarrassment if others knew.

Armed with this knowledge, what do you do? You go out and become completely disarmed by a “beautiful” and apparently “perfect” creature of the opposite gender. In your mind, he or she is flawless.

Then comes the vortex of self-doubt. “Oh man…I could never be in HER league. She’s a veritable vision of perfection…and I can’t even get into an elevator without feeling claustrophobic, come from a foreign country, need a haircut, have a big nose, have spring allergies, say stupid things when nervous, chew my toenails in private and once cheated on a math test.”

So once again you talk yourself out of being successful.

Erstwhile, your “vision of perfection” is inside her own state of being thinking, “Girl…get yourself TOGETHER! Your panty lines are showing, you have stupid looking ears, are habitually late for work, snort when you laugh, have two crooked teeth and wear contact lenses. NO WONDER you’ve been DATELESS for a MONTH now!”

Crazy stuff, isn’t it? If only we could see inside each other’s heads. Better yet, if only we could read the thoughts of others regarding US.

Well, you can’t do that, but here are two simple exercises you CAN do:

1) Eliminate private knowledge as a “limiting factor” and take notes regarding how others respond to you

First and foremost, realize that your private thoughts are NOT public. Nobody else can evaluate you by them, so STOP using them against yourself. They do not exist in the minds of others because they CANNOT. Next, consider the comments you receive from people. Where you hear patterns repeated time and again it’s time to believe what you are hearing. If pointing to ways you can better yourself, DO SO and deserve what you want. If you hear recurring positive comments and/or see recurring positive reactions to your presence and/or interactions, begin to recognize the truly positive manner in which others perceive you. This sounds so simplistic, yet how many of us go home and obsess over self-perceived “negatives” that we are repeatedly told are POSITIVES? If you think I must be kidding, actively begin to look for clues in your social life where you have previously been oblivious. Note the PATTERNS that you detect, and trust them.

2) Pretend you are walking in the shoes of someone you find attractive

Okay, here’s the “power ball”. Ready? My guess is that when you encounter someone who really motors your sexual attraction levels, that person is actually more “perfectly imperfect” than “perfect”. The next time you are practically paralyzed by attraction towards someone, I want you pretend for a moment that you were THAT PERSON instead of yourself. In your darkest, most self-critical thoughts, what would you be most self-conscious about? Go ahead and in your blind attraction make an effort to approach that concept with sober judgment. You will likely identify an entire litany of faults and potential attitudes that would make him or her VERY insecure, at least theoretically. Ironically, you may find yourself recognizing traits and/or features that some people may be self-critical about but which are at the same time EXACTLY what is making you so hot for this person. It’s strange for sure. But it is an EYE OPENER.

What we’re really exposing here is a dark corner of human ARROGANCE. We somehow believe that our own self-pronounced judgments both AGAINST ourselves and FOR others somehow carry greater weight than everyone else’s, don’t we? That’s exactly what ends up limiting us, yet really yours or mine is only one of over six billion different perspectives-be it towards ourselves or others. For once, give yourself the gift of seeing things from the point of view of other people. Do so and enjoy the shock when you finally do meet someone who knocks you out…and you realize very quickly as you get to know him or her that many of the insecurities you saw from their potential perspective are actually ACTIVELY present in theirs. And feel the power and joy of being able to share with that person what others-namely YOU-see instead. How cool is that?

Typically, my recurring mantra is “deserve what you want” around here. Today you get a breather. Today I’ve let you in on a secret: You may already deserve WAY, WAY more than you have been giving yourself credit for.

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Dating Tips For Women – Dos & Don’ts on Your First Date

By Francis Murphy

Got a date this Saturday night for the first time? Are you nervous and worried about making the silliest mistakes that might spoil everything? Fear not! Here are some useful tips on what to do and what you should not do on your first date. These tips can surely help you make that night, a meaningful and an embarrassment-free night.

Do’s

1) Bring a mace/pepper-spray

Better be safe than sorry, right? Do carry a mace or pepper-spray in your purse. Make sure it is easily accessible. You never know when you are going to need it.

2) Take your credit card along

Traditionally, the man will pay for the bills when you go for a date. But, ‘accidents’ and ‘misfortunes’ can happen. It is advisable that you prepare yourself to pay, in case of emergency.

Don’ts

1) Wear revealing outfit

Never ever wear a revealing or too sexy outfit to a first outing. This might set the wrong impression to your guy. He might think that you are too desperate or that you are trying too hard to impress him. He might also think that you are seeking attention from other guys. Do dress nicely, though. But do not over-do it.

2) Get drunk

It is a big mistake to get yourself drunk. You might just end up displaying the worst side of yourself and eliminate the possibilities on going to your second date. You will also expose yourself to great danger of being raped by the guy. If the guy offers you a beer or champagne, just decline the offer softly. Tell him that you would like to be sober for the night so that you will remember every sweet details of your first date.

3) Pay for the food

Let the man pay the bills. If you start paying on your first date, he will assume that you are willing to pay next time and the next too. Plus, paying for a man’s meal might tarnish his ego in some way.

4) Let him drive you home

It is always safer to drive yourself. You never know what the guy is thinking or planning. If you do not own a car, you can opt to take a cab or better still, ask a girl friend to drive you home.
Now that you have known all these simple tips, enjoy your first date!

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Dating a Man Who’s a Sex Addict Versus a Man Who Loves Sex

By Sash Farah

I have a story to share about an unidentified man who claimed that he loved sex and he ‘could not live without it’. His former partner claimed that if he loved sex enough it would show through his actions, attitude and demeanor during the actual act. After studying the man’s history it was apparent he battled two addictions which were alcohol and cocaine.

While listening to the man’s stories, especially about his sexual history with women, it became apparent that he was using sex similarly like alcohol to numb and void an intangible pain that resides within him. Some of his sexual partners recognized his romantic liaisons to be lacking substance, which meant a portion of the women would not even consider him for a one night stand ‘if’ they had known better.

It was disclosed over a period of time that this man was only able to hold down one relationship over his lifetime, which is a bit disconcerting since this man is middle aged and that particular relationship was only short lived. It is not sex that determines the overall long life of a relationship though it does play a monumental role for building and sustaining a relationship.

Is it possible that he sabotaged his own relationship to the point where his partner was driven to seek sexual satisfaction from elsewhere? Sex contributes to a person’s mental, emotional and physiological well being. It was his lack of mental, emotional and physical presence that drove his partner into the arms of someone else who conveniently rescued her not only in bed but also in life.

A man who’s a sex addict will get a high off by engaging in sex with anyone. His selective filtering mechanisms for finding a good looking partner and a decent soul are low. He’s not thinking in terms of survival of the fittest, he’s only thinking in terms of his immediate survival needs. He needs his quick fix, it doesn’t matter if he’s in a committed relationship with someone or not.

This addiction lurks within him and challenges him to go seek his excitement that distracts him from his problems. He’s not too fixated on creativity while performing sex, he’s more fixated on reaching HIS height of euphoria. Every time he has sex, he may think he’s approaching salvation yet this euphoria will last from few seconds to an hour or two. Sex addicts do not weigh their risks if they are hurting anyone around them, they are on a mission where they will not walk away dissatisfied.

Safe sex is not a priority for them and in most cases they are at VERY high risk for STDs due to their random liaisons compared to other sexually active men. These risk takers believe they reach a state of immunity from contracting these sexually transmitted diseases because the symptoms of the illness would have surfaced by now. A handful of STDs remain dormant for quite a while before they start encompassing the person’s reproductive system and overall health.

From my observation, most sex addicts have other addictions that complement their erratic behavior. The man in this case was using alcohol, marijuana and cocaine to escape his realities, which were not disappearing unless he dealt with his trailing demons while sober.

To the contrary, a man that loves sex will make an effort to screen his partners. This man will not only seek satisfaction for himself, he will be cognizant to fulfill his sexual partner’s needs as well. Women claim these men are better at sex and the men’s mental focus is active not passive.

If there is any hesitation or reluctance from his partner to engage in sexual activities, he will not run off leaving skid marks for another high risk partner. He is more patient than a sex addict, perhaps due to the man’s healthy awareness of his sexuality. His sexuality does not dominate his other aspects of his life, where his family and professional life start to suffer.

A sex crazed man will use sex as a recreational activity instead as a panacea to address his unresolved life issues. Sex is a recommended stress reliever for men and women as it improves the emotional health of both genders along with other benefits. Both types of men described here want to seek pleasure yet both of them perceive sex and react to it differently.

Any form of addiction has an underlying cause that triggers certain thoughts and behaviors within a suffering person. It is best they seek guidance through a loved one or a professional therapist who can provide tools to overcome such mental and behavioral problems. It is not the act(s) that raise red flags among addicts, more so we need to learn and understand why they choose to participate in self-destructive habits.

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No Intimate Relationships During the First Year of Sobriety!

By Daniel Linder

Recovering addicts hear this all the time in 12-step programs. However, this sound bit of wisdom is rarely heeded. Many have a hard time accepting that a hiatus from intimate relationships is necessary. In their minds, dating and new relationships seem benign. “As long as I’m not using and we’re not using and are in a program, I’m safe.” Not so fast. Getting into an intimate relationship prematurely is, as my mother would say, “Ill-conceived, ill-advised and ill-consummated.”

Odds are more than fifty percent of marriages will end in divorce for the general population. Want to venture a guess as to the odds for those in early recovery who test this cardinal rule?

Despite one’s best laid plans or intentions to not re-enact the same dysfunction and failures of previous relationships, the odds are overwhelmingly against the relationship — doomed to be dysfunctional or have a shortened life expectancy.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, but assuming that we would not want our emotional and mental well-being to hinge on a miracle, is it worth the risk? But this is not what the recovering addict is thinking about. When it comes to delaying gratification, when it comes to ‘choosing’ between ‘one step at a time’ versus ‘all at once,’ thinking in terms of gradual and taking time to develop and being objective and realistic are not how addicts are wired. There is no point of reference. Most recovering addicts don’t realize that admitting to being out of control and surrendering to their powerlessness, as having done so in Steps I and II, also apply to their emotions when dating and in early stage relationships.

The problem is not the relationship or the intimacy. It’s the sex. Sex tends to increase one’s level of emotional involvement and intensity of feelings, especially for women. Men tend to cope by splitting off from their feelings; that is, are more likely to engage in sexual relationships while remaining emotionally divorced or superficial. Sex is a trigger for emotional over-involvement or under-involvement relative to the stage of relationship. Either way, each one’s inability to manage his/her own emotional needs and provide self-nourishment will eventually jeopardize the developing relationship.

What often happens is that sex, exciting enough as it is, often leads to an infusion of romantic feelings, which can further heighten the excitement, which then awakens the “sleeping giant” — the backlog of unmet emotional needs from previous relationships. The “giant” awakens (emotionally) ravenous and is not aware of the extent his/her hunger drives the relationship. Our unmet emotional needs reside in our unconscious and are sealed off from our awareness.

It’s during the first year of recovery that the addict is to learn how to break the cycle of addiction. A year of sobriety and ‘relationship abstinence’ are meant to allow a sufficient amount of time to deal with one’s own emotions without having to resort to his/her addiction, to build self-awareness and to become responsible for one’s own emotional care. Rather than relying on an external source for relief or emotional gain, which is what s/he is accustomed to do, s/he begins to look internally, to rely on oneself as a source of emotional nourishment.

“The most important relationship is with oneself” poses a complete paradigm shift to the recovering addict. If the necessary amount of time to grow the relationship with oneself hasn’t lapsed, chances are the recovering addict will do what they’ve been accustomed to do all of their lives; that is to look outside of oneself for relief or to make up for what is missing emotionally.

When unmet emotional needs begin to get played out in the relationship, the relationship can become an addictive or dysfunctional one, which further perpetuates the cycle of addiction. There may be excitement and hope at the beginning, but it’s only be a matter of time before increasing strife, stress and dysfunction lead to the relationship’s demise. An additional factor of concern is that dysfunctional and failed relationships dramatically increase the risk of relapse.

At the 5 month point of a sustained period of ‘relationship abstinence,’ Linda, a recovering alcoholic, proceeded to date a man, Jack, whom she met at a 12-Step meeting. Jack had been sober 10 years.

After approximately 5 dates during 3 weeks of dating him, the “writing was on the wall.” Linda had sex with him on the third date, which felt like quite an accomplishment that she was able to wait “so long.” When I asked her to assess the level of her emotional involvement, she thought about it awhile before saying in a tone of wonderment, “Not too much I hope. Noticed myself checking my phone messages more frequently than usual. That’s all.” She was referring his anticipated return from being out of town for several days. She didn’t want to fret about whether he would call her upon his return, but she did. She didn’t want to end up calling him before he called her, but she just couldn’t wait.

There were other indications of emotional over-involvement. When Linda talked about how she reacted when a couple of overtures she had made to him, i.e. expressing a desire to celebrate his birthday together and a dinner invitation, he suggested they “play it by ear,” she noticed herself getting angry and responding sarcastically to him.

It was apparent that Linda was looking for assurances that he is still interested. When his assurances weren’t forthcoming, she reacted as if he wasn’t being truthful, that he really wasn’t interested in her or the relationship, which wasn’t the case. He might have been taken aback by the edge in her voice. Linda couldn’t see that she was reacting from wounds of past relationships, from a place of insecurity, and the extent her mental and emotional well being hinged on how he responded to her.

The challenge for Linda remains the same as for any other recovering addict; taking the time — how ever long the process of self-reclamation takes, before entering into a sexually, intimate relationship.

“No intimate relationships during the first year of sobriety” is merely a reminder that it takes a year or so of rigorous participation in a program that is sobriety and self-based before one is emotionally ready to get sexually involved. If entering into such a relationship prematurely, the recovering person, and anyone else for that matter, runs the risk of unresolved dependency issues tainting the newly developing relationship.

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By Jeff McQueen

People who are codependents usually go full stop or full speed ahead. They never have any moderator and to a large degree codependency symptoms are about extremes.

It is either low self-esteem or high self-esteem for people who are involve in a dysfunctional relationship such as codependency. Low self-esteem happens when you believe that you are not as worthy as the other people and that your thoughts and feelings do not count. High self-esteem on the other hand manifests itself to certain individuals who feel that they are superior, and those who are arrogant. In either case, self-esteem is usually developed within the family, in other words this happens during the growing up period, and through modeling family behavior.

Another symptom is when an individual is not capable of setting realistic, functioning boundaries. During childhood our parents usually taught us regarding boundaries, it is always set by them to better guide us. If we have grown up with a family of poor boundaries, then we will not be able to set proper boundaries for ourselves. There are number of purposes served by establishing boundaries, they can offer us protection from other people, from ourselves, and they can help us find out who we really are in this world. People with too rigid boundaries will find themselves to be alone and isolated behind the wall. While people with too little or no boundaries are the people who usually gets taken advantage of or victimized.

It is difficult for codependents to know who they really are. They do not have the ability to see themselves in reality both mentally and physically. Their interpretations of thoughts are often altered as well as their ability to share them. It is difficult for them to own, identify, and regulate their emotions. Another side of this is that they are living in a fantasy or coming up with an alter ego.

These types of persons have a problem in defining needs and wants as well as meeting them. Some of them may be able to identify their needs and wants but the problem is they do not know how to get them. They may expect other people to meet their needs for them.

Lastly, a codependent person has difficulty in expressing himself and knowing what normal is. Moderation to them is nonexistent. They swing like a pendulum from one side to another, from extreme to another extreme, completely involved or completely indifferent, and ecstatic to miserable. They never understand the phrase ‘enough is enough’. They have difficulty in understanding what normal is because they have no past experience to base it to, in other words, they never have someone portrayed normal for them while they were growing up.

If you sum up all the symptoms, one common denominator appears which is growing up being exposed to a dysfunctional family upbringing. This is certainly not the only major cause here but the child’s development is largely influenced by the family and the environment that he grows up with.

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• Eliminating Fear Of Rejection By The Opposite Sex A Simple Exercise
• Dating a Man Who’s a Sex Addict Versus a Man Who Loves Sex

OK.  So you’ve joined an online dating service and written an awesome profile.  You’ve uploaded a great picture and now you’ve gotten a few emails, and you’re getting ready to respond.  But what now?  How do you start weeding through those responses who have real potential and those who would be a waste of time?

You need to find out about who this strange person really is and not what they want you to believe they are.  It would be great if people wore labels like “Gold Digger”, “Daddy’s girl” or  “Scam Artist” etc., but they don’t. So it’s up to you to find out these things and you can’t just ask direct questions.  You need to know what mistakes you can avoid making and how to impress this person if you decide you want to do that.

After you get past the initial small talk, ask them “What are the biggest mistakes guys/girls make when dating online?”  Listen carefully to the answers.  Their going to tell you a lot about themselves and their views in general, probably more than you asked for, but you will find out a lot.

Next you should ask them, “What do you really think about online dating?”  Now they will usually tell you if they’ve had any bad experiences with dating online and help you to avoid making the same mistakes as previous dates.

Now for the all-important question, ”What caused the break up in your last relationship?”  If he/she puts all the blame on the other person, you should probably move on to the next prospect.  If he/she takes all the blame him or herself, you should probably do the same.  If he/she says the breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t right for either of them, you’ve heard the right answer.  Move forward but always with caution.

People who Place All the Blame, may not be willing or capable of looking at themselves or their part in the situation. So you would be dating someone who “Has no faults” or is clueless about themselves or having an open and honest mind. People who Take All the Blame can have low self esteem issues and probably don’t see the situation for the way it really was, and probably have a distorted sense of self.

Asking the right questions will give you insight, possibly open your own eyes and make you more confident when you meet the person for the first time.

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• What Attracts a Man to a Woman
• Dating Tips For Women – Dos & Don’ts on Your First Date

With the explosion of online dating sites has come a virtual “all you can eat buffet” of choices. There are free dating sites, which I don’t recommend but if money is an issue, they are better than nothing. There are the large “Corporation” paid dating sites with many features such as chat, IM and even matchmaking services for profiles.

There are the “more affordable” paid sites with just a few features, and then there are the “special interest” sites. Sites for almost any kind of person you can think of: outdoor and athletic, couch potatoes, religious dating, non-religious dating, gays and lesbians dating. You name it, it’s probably out there. So what’s a person to do with all these choices?

How to choose the site or sites that best fits my needs?

Here are some things to consider when looking for the Best Internet Dating Sites:

(1)    Cost. How much do you want to spend? or how much can you spend each month for your membership or memberships?

(2)    Features. What features are most important to you?

(A)    Profile matching systems? Is this something you really want or need? Would you rather decide who is right for you by yourself?

(B)    Chat and IM’s? Most dating sites offer chat rooms and IM’s services. Does this matter to you or would you be ok just sticking to private email?

(C)    Outside Events? Some sites offer outside events such as speed dating? Is this something you’re interested in?

(D)    Privacy. Some dating sites allow you to limit who can view your picture or your profile. Is this important to you or would you want as much exposure as you can get?

(E)    Safety. There are dating sites who do background checks of all subscribers and to certify their age, marital status and background. Would you feel safer using this feature?

These are a few things you might consider when choosing an online dating service or services. Use some of these to help you choose the best internet dating sites for you.

Good Luck.

Support.

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• How To Online Flirt – Online Flirting, a New Artform

Many of the same things work for online flirting that work for “Offline” flirting and all relationships begin with successful flirting. Flirting is an art that requires oozing confidence without being OTT(Over The Top). If you go too far, they will label you as “slimy”. If you don’t go far enough, they will label you “wimpy”.

So how do you achieve that point half way between slimy and wimpy and do it online without using eye contact or body language? All you have is a computer, an internet connection and a membership in an online dating site, right? Listen up! Learning How To Online Flirt is Simple! When you start practicing your online flirting and see the response you get, you will be amazed at how simple it really is!

1. Have fun! Be light-hearted, funny and entertaining. Make them eager to talk to you again. Flirting is playful.

2. You have to Ooze with confidence. Successful flirts have a positive outlook on life. You need to transmit the “feel good” factor. An optimistic attitude attracts partners like honey attracts Bees. Feeling good is addictive!(oops, )

3. Compliment them…and do it often and sincerely. Nothing opens doors like making the person of interest feel good about themselves. They will want to spend more time with you and if they pay you a compliment say “thank you”. Do NOT be self depreciating.

4. Listen…listen….listen. Pay attention to what they say and ask appropriate questions. Get them to open up and talk about themselves. Make them feel like they are interesting and that you are interested in them. Listening, Works wonders!

5. Don’t be rude. Period. Flirting does not include being sexually explicit nor taking offense if the person isn’t responding to you. If they aren’t interested, take the hint and move on to the next prospect. If you get a lot of rejections, you might want to consider a different approach.

6. Send an email after you chat. This ranks right up there with sending a thank you note for a gift and it is vital to successful flirting. Really, This is Important!

Don’t try to go too fast. Flirting is the first step to a successful relationship. It is also the thing that keeps a relationship alive and on fire!

How To Online Flirt – Online Flirting, a New Artform

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